Insurance Cartoon

The following is the actual data found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of the accident in the fewest words. These cases lead to erroneous writing to confirm that even incompetent writing can be very entertaining.

I went home to wrong house and collided with a tree that I have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of their intentions.

I think I did my window, but I realized that when I put my head through it.

I hit a parked truck coming the other hand.

A truck backed through my windshield in the face of my wife.

The pedestrian hit me and I went in my car.

The man was all the way. I had to convert a number of times before it reaches.

I turned away from the edge of the road, glanced at my mother in law and went to the beach.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I went to the telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants, and every day on my way to the house. At the intersection, Sprange up coverage, and the Opacity to my vision and I saw another car.

I've been driving for 40 years when I'm asleep on the wheel, and it was just an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with back problems when my universal joint gave way making me have an accident.

I approached the intersection sign suddenly appeared in place of a stop sign which had appeared at any time before. I could not stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the front bumper of the car that hit the pedestrian.

My car was parked legally supported, as is the case in the other car.

The invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that he was not injured but on removing my hat, I realized that I had a broken skull.

He was confident that the old man will not do the other side of the road when it hit him.

The pedestrian no idea what direction to run, so I ran it.

I saw the slow, sad that the old gentlemen as he bounced back the hood of my car.

Was the indirect cause of the accident the little guy in a small car with big mouth.

I drove it left the road. Found later in a ditch I lost some cattle.

Telephone pole was approaching. I was trying to convert your way when you hit the front.

Ain't life grand?

Funniest stories ever told and insurance

Can be tedious insurance. Let's face it, the more insurance articles full of dry facts, statistics and with the support of the bored piles of papers that do not have that fluency can be sure that you get up on the core. What many people forget that Darwin and Murphy's Law has a hand in insurance claims each year, and some of these owners, drivers and insurance companies to put fun in dysfunction! Here a group of some of the funniest stories that are insurance claims on the Internet:


• The driver said they were on their way to work one morning and went on a school bus parked at the end of the unit. And filed a lawsuit against the bus driver while the bus was five minutes earlier than expected, and thus it is clear that error. (As the English comedian Jasper Carrott)

• A one way of actual insurance claims: "We have been broken windshield unknown reason ... maybe Voodoo" (found in www.swapmeetdave.com)

Laughing_girl.jpg
What were they thinking?

• meeting a woman of her husband, and marine crew was coming to the port that day, was parked at the end of the road where the submarine was to be on the sidewalk. There was a sign in front that the experience exceeded his landing and hit the end of the road, breaking away from the door and send the car to sink in the water. The damage goes on to say, Uncle Sam! (As stated in www.businessballs.com)

• Transfer the driver parked on the side of the road leading to the house of Oz when he fell the back of the truck was turning. Ultimately, the insurance company paid the claim, but only after making sure of the engine with the vehicle had in fact joined to the house (as told by comedian Jasper Carrott English)

• The insurance claim took place at the house for her to small claims court, where you have homeowners insurance refused to pay the debt caused by the broken washing machine. The owner of the house left his home at the weekend after the entry load of laundry and came back to find it destroyed cycle machine stuck in the kitchen and cooking steamed towns. The provider homeowners insurance was not in the home is protected from steam damage and refused to pay. The case a mockery of the court when the judge deal with each of them a lesson summary of the chemistry of gases and liquids, and the fact that the horse is a horse is a horse, or in this case, is the H2O H2O regardless of the form that happens to be in (as described in the www . businessballs.com)

The prize (unofficial) amusing story of Darwin and is said to make sure than ever: the lawyer who did not receive enough attention in the category of insurance claims

Charlotte lawyer purchased a box of expensive cigars and insurance against damage caused by storms, floods, and all things, and fire. And increased private investment and needless to say, in (happily inhaled) smoke within a month after the submission of counsel claim with your homeowners insurance company that was owed compensation because he had "lost a cigar in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, assuming (correctly) that the man was smoking a pack itself. Judge ruled, however, since the insured, did not explain what was considered "unacceptable" the fire of the company, in fact, is due $ 15,000 to replace your property.

The insurance company paid the claim, but had his revenge in the final. Arrested a lawyer, was sentenced to 24 months in prison and a fine of $ 24000 for a 24 charged with arson and insurance fraud.

Life is not great?

Doctor need my Insurance

Andre, that's stupid. No really, that's stupid. You need this differently. You know what to do? You take that panda, gives it to Nick and says you do not want money, just a chance of success, and that you want to get out wilt.Je wildcards, invitations to tournaments, others conduct, better food, better everything. And mostly what you want is not in school. This is your chance for freedom. Now you really in power.
I can not give the bastard my panda. I just can not. Besides, what would I need Jamie?
About Jamie, we are concerned later. We're talking about your future. You have to give pandas to Nick!

We talk late into the night, to discuss heated whisper. Finally, Perry convinced me.
So, he yawned, tomorrow give him the panda.

No. Nonsense. I'm going to let myself be kantoor.Ik within the carpet, put the panda on Nick's big leather chair with his ass in the air.

The next morning, before breakfast, Gabriel will get me again.

Office. Now.

Nick sits in his chair. The panda is now in the corner, stares straight ahead. Nick looks at the panda, then at me. He says: You're saying nothing. You wear makeup. You wear jeans during a tournament. You let me invite your friend Perry for the tournament, but nothing like he can barely chew gum and can talk simultaneously. And your hair, but I will not say anything about hair. And now give me something I've asked for, but before you break in the middle of the night in my office and put it up his ass panda in my chair? How the hell did you come into my office? Jesus kid, what's your problem?

You want to know what my problem is?

Even Nick is stunned by the sound of my voice.

I cry: You are my fucking problem! You! And if you have not, then you're even stupider than you look. Have you any idea what it's like to be here? What it is 4500 km from home, in a prison to attend at half past six to stand half an hour to have that nasty to eat breakfast, in a worn bus steps for hours in that terrible school to sit, then to come back soon and within a half hour to eat more junk until you go to the tennis court, day in and day out? You know that? The only thing you can look forward to it, the only real fun for the whole week, the Saturday night in Bradenton Mall and even that is snatched me! You have that taken away from me! This place is hell and I would prefer him to the ground to burn!

Nick's eyes are bigger than the panda. But he is not angry. Or sad. He seems amused, because this is the only language he understands. He reminds me of Pacino in
Scarface
If a woman says,
Who, Why, When and how I fuck is none of your business
And Pacino says,
Now you're talking to me, baby.

Nick, I understand, like clear language.

Okay, he says, I understand. What do you want?

It's like I hear Perry.

My status is rising

My main act of revolt is silence. I swear, as long as I live, never will say anything to Nick. That's my line, my religion, my new identity. That's who I am, the boy says nothing. Nick observes of course nothing. He strides past the courts and says something to me and I will not answer. He shrugs. But the other kids see that I give no answer. My status is rising.

One reason why Nick does not notice is that he is busy organizing a tournament which he juniors from across the country hopes to attract. Then I think a great idea, a new way to Nick rods. I tell one of his people that I know of someone in Vegas who would be cut for this tournament. He has incredible talent, I say. He always brings me into trouble when we play against each other.

What's his name?

Perry Rogers.

This is a real teaser. Nick's goal in life is to discover new stars and there are tournaments during show it off. New stars provide attention. New stars raising the status of the Bollettieri Academy and strengthen Nicks image as a leading tennis coach. And yes, a few days later, Perry received a ticket and a personal invitation to fly to Florida toernooi.Hij and take a taxi to the Bollettieri Academy. Once we see each other, we hug each other and grinning at the joke that with Nick tricks.

To whom should I play?

Murphy Jensen.

Oh no, but that's very good!

Do not worry. This is only a few days. Now let's party.

One of the many perks for the children who participate in the tournament, a trip to Busch Gardens in Tampa. The bus to the amusement park I bring Perry informed, on my public humiliation and how miserable I find the Bollettieri Academy. And at the Bradenton Academy. I say that I probably will drop. But he did not understand. For the first he understands my problem. He loves school. He dreams of a good college on the East Coast to go right and he wants to study.

I start on something else. I ask him about Jamie. She asked me to? What does she look like? She wears my ankle? I tell him that I had a special gift for Jamie wants to convey. Maybe something fun of Busch Gardens.

That would be nice.

We are less than ten minutes Busch Gardens or Perry sees a stall with all toys. On a high shelf sits a giant black and white panda, legs apart, with his red tongue out of his mouth.

André, you must give to Jamie!

Yes, but that is not for sale. You have to win the prize for that panda to get, and no one wins this game. It's a trick. And I do not like tricks

plan B

In my portfolio I have the credit card that my dad gave me for emergencies. And I think this is a real emergency. I go to the airport. By this time tomorrow I'll be in Perry's bedroom to tell him this story. I keep my eyes open for searchlights. I expect every moment the distant sound of bloodhounds to hear. I stick my thumb up.

It stops a car. I do the door, to throw my suitcase in the back. It's Julio, Nicks law enforcement. He says that my dad on the phone, at the Bollettieri Academy, and he wants to talk to me. Now.

The bloodhounds were'd rather have.

I tell my father that I want to go home. I tell him what Nick did.

You dress like a cousin, my father says. I think you deserve.

I try plan B.

Pops, I say, Nick spoils my game. I practice only from the baseline, we never work on my netgame. We never work on my service and my volley.

My father says he will have to be with Nick. He also says that Nick has promised him that my punishment will last only a few weeks. Nick wants to show who's boss. It is unacceptable that a child breaks the rules. He must somehow show that discipline reigns.

Then my father said again that I stay. I have no choice. Click. Dial Tone.


Julio closes the door. Nick picks up the phone and tells me that my father has instructed him to grab my credit card.

Give him my credit card? No way! The only thing I could ever come from? Over my dead body.

Nick tries to negotiate with me and suddenly I know: This man needs me. He has sent Julio behind me, he called my father and now he tries to get hold of my credit card. He said I had to leave and when I left, he brought me back. I have his challenge. Despite all the trouble I cause, I am important to him.

By day I am a model prisoner, I weeded out weeds, clean the toilets clean, wear proper tennis clothing. But at night I'm the masked avenger. I steal a runner from the Bollettieri Academy and late at night, when all others are sleeping, I go on raids with a few other disgruntled guys. Although I confine myself to harmless things like throwing shaving cream bombs, spraying walls with graffiti my companions. On the door of Nick's office inject
Nick the Dick
. And as Nick the door to clean, they do it again.

My main henchman during these nocturnal trips Roddy Parks is the guy who beat me long ago to the day I met Perry. But Roddy is caught. Betrayed by his slapie. I hear that Roddy was dismissed.

Unexpected Meeting

Bollettieri Academy I get extra attention, pats on my back and compliments. I finally feel like I hear there, one of the cool guys have one of the leaders.
Plus I got the W
.
T

unexpected meeting. Everybody gather, he roars.

He sends us to a back court with bleachers. If all two hundred children there and be quiet, he starts to walk back and forth and keep a story. On the significance of the Bollettieri Academy and that we should feel privileged because we may be. He has this place from scratch, he says, and he is proud that bears his name. The Bollettieri Academy for excellence. The Bollettieri Academy is for class. The Bollettieri Academy is known and respected worldwide.

He pauses.

Andre, will you stand?

I get up.

Everything about this place I just have said, Andre, you have denied. You have this place defiled, ashamed, in the area that you've removed yesterday. During final jeans and your makeup and wear earrings? Boy, I'm going to something important to say. If you behave as if you you dress like a girl, then I do the following: during your next tournament, I will force you to wear a skirt. I contacted them and asked a few Ellesse skirts for you to send and who will carry you. Yes sir, because if you behave like you, we will treat you so.


All two hundred children look at me. Four hundred eyes are on me. Many children laugh.


Nick continues. Your free time, he says, is hereby repealed. Your free time is my time. Between nine and ten make every toilet in this area clean. And if all toilets are clean, you clean the area and weeding. And if you do not like, simple, then you leave. If you behave like yesterday, we want you here. And if you can not show you this place is as important as we,
buh-bye

That last word,
buh-bye,
sticks, echoes across the empty courts. That's all, he says. Everybody back to work.


All children are rapidly feet. I stand motionless, trying to decide what to do. I wish Nick the skin is full of swearing. I would challenge him to a fight. I want to scream. I think of Philly, then to Perry. What would they want me to do? I think of my father, sent to school in girl's clothes when his mother wanted to humiliate him. The day he was a fighter.

There is no time for anything to decide. Gabriel says that my sentence now begins. The remainder of this afternoon, he says, on your knees. Weeding.

As the sun sets and I've handed my rake, I walk to my room. I am no longer undecided, I know exactly what I will do. I throw my clothes into a suitcase, walk to the highway. I realize that this is Florida, I can be picked up by a crazy idiot, and nobody ever hears anything from me.

Skoal and Kodiak

What can I do? Nick, Gabriel, Mrs.. G, G Doc, no one seems yet to see my antics. I shaved my hair, my nails grow, even a finger nail is five inches long and I got it painted bright red. I dyed my coxcomb and my body pierced. I break the rules, I do not like the curfew kept, I went to blows with others, have tantrums had skipped school and I even once after the girls' dormitory bedtime slipped. I drank liters of whiskey, often shamelessly sitting on my bed and I also made a pyramid of all the empty bottles. Is a tower next to my bed empty bottles of Jack Daniel's nearly one meter high. I plum tobacco and marijuana, such as Skoal and Kodiak, soaked in whiskey. If I've lost, I put a big ball of tobacco in my cheek. The bigger the defeat, the greater the ball.

What can I do? What new sin I can commit the world to show that I am unhappy and want to go home?

There are times when I did not try to invent new regions: during the free hours when I can relax in the recreation room and on Saturday night when I can go to the Mall Bradenton and girls can flirt. A total of ten hours per week of which I'm happy, or at least not torment my brains for some new act of disobedience to think.

I'm still fourteen Bollettieri Academy as a coach who hires us to the north of the state to bring a major tournament in Pensacola. The Bollettieri Academy travels every year a few times to these tournaments, anywhere in Florida because Nick these tournaments is a good test. A ruler, he calls them. Florida is the tennis heaven, says Nick, and if we're better than the best players in Florida, then we have the best players in the world.

I easily reach the final of my class, but the other children do less well. They are all previously disabled. And so they have to come watch my match. They have no choice, they have nowhere else to go. When I'm done, we will again be all together on the bus for the twelve hour drive back to the Bollettieri Academy.

Take it easy, she jokes.

Nobody is looking forward to another twelve hours in the stinking bus down.

For fun during the match I decided to wear my jeans. No tennis shorts, no shorts, but a torn, faded, dirty jeans. I know it will not affect the outcome. The boy who I play a loser. I can beat him with one hand on the back and dressed in a gorilla suit. Moreover, I keep eyeliner on and do my earrings in glimmendste.


I win the match in straight sets. The other kids cheering like crazy. They give me an additional bonus points for style.